simple things....? IGNORE THE RANT!!!

BE AWARE BELOW IS ALOT OF POINTLESS RANTING THAT GOES IN CIRCLES... JUST MOVE ON TO THE NEXT POST.. IGNORE THE STUPIDITY:)

THANKS


Somethings are very simple to do, like changing a relationship status all you really have to do is click and option and save it but truely the task is not simple.. If you are changing your status then either you just got with someone or you are breaking up with.. i dont want to be single, how i love him and how i want us to work it out.... if i would have just simply clicked the single button and pressed save it would have been a huge deal with all of the people who saw it and between me and him.. I also wouldnt be able to talk to him and fix the problems if i would have done that..

That rant was pretty pointless but i dont care.. im at a weird crossroads right now. i dont have anyone who i can talk to about the serious stuff anymore. my relationship is failing and finals are coming up really soon!!! Everything at the moment seems so in the air.

My old bestfriend is also my bfs bestfriend so now i cant just confess everything to him like i could before. i cant just tell him everything and it SUCKS! when one person becomes such an imporatnt part of your life and you share everything with them and then when you get into a relationship with someone close to them they share things that you have said with that other person.. and then when you tell them not to they dont want to hear about it anymore.. its a struggle.. its challangeing to just all of a sudden not have that one person that was always there because youve become close with one if their friends..


and another thing i am one of these like crazy random ppl who will speak their mind about alot of stuff.. most of the time i will say things i shouldnt and i will go too far but i cant help it thats just how i am... I hate when someone gets mad at me for this.. expecially when its innocent fun. like if i am laughing having fun with a group of people and my bf knows how i am and he tells me that its okay, then he should not get majorly pissed at me and not talk to me for days i mean seriosuly thats immature... and also if i am asked a question while im on the phone with my mom and i just say it dont matter and then go back to talking to my mom that is not an excuse for you to ever say " i dont wanna fight tonight" because surely you have just pissed me off and made an idiot out of yourself congradualations...dumbass.... and when is it okay to completely ignore your girlfriends existance? i mean forreal if your girlfriend is standing talking to one of your friends why would you go off and stand next to two of your friends who are dating and are all hugged together kissing? i mean really why? and then when your girlfriend walks up with your friend you talk to this girl and ignore you girlfriend and when the girl walks over to the couple that are hugged up together why in the world would you carefully walk away making sure you dont get anywhere near your "girlfriend" and then tell your bestfriend how much you love her and SHIT!  its complete bullshit.. like forreal... No wonder EVERYONE says that we are broken up..

The Truth

Everything is out of control lately. Somethings in a good way and some in a bad.
lets start off with the bad
School: I hate it. I hate every single thing about school. College life sucks, i would LOVE to be back in high school. My classes are all so annoying. With teachers that either dont teach well or i just dont learn in the methods that they are teaching. My grades are really low. I have NEVER had to work this hard to make Cs i have always been able to make high Bs with out trying and make all As with just a little work. Now i am about to just completely lose my mind because of how hard these classes are. I really just dont understand why i cant learn like i used to, college is real you have to put in forty times the effort that you did in high school and i really wish i would have waited til i learned this to take some of the classes that i am taking because im honestly afraid that i may fail two of my classes, the two classes that i think i may fail are the ones that students who have been in college for a year or are encouraged to take not FRESHMEN! I wish i would have known this when i started filing out my schedule.....

Friends:
 I dont have a "best friend" anymore. The people who were my bestfriends in high school i never talk to anymore. I have tryed to keep in touch with the person who i thought would be my bestfriend for the rest of my life but it turns out that i am the only one who wants to keep our friendship. The other friend of mine who has been with me through everything and ive been with them every time they needed me is happy now, they only need me when somethings wrong and since nothings wrong im not needed, but thats okay me and this person have a special friendship and a special bond that i really dont worry about us not being as close as we were or should be... and the other person who was my most recent best friend i really just dont have much to say there.. i dont talk to them much anymore for several reasons, i still love her to death but i just cant allow myself to completely be as close of a friend to her as i was before...

Halloween:
Its my FAVORITE  time of the year!!!! i absolutely LOVE halloween!!! the whole month of october i am so excited!! and with it being this season theres the haunted trail!! which is super fun and people get scared and its just awesome!!

Love Life:
Now for the best thing thats going on in my life right now,I have the most amazing boyfriend ever!!!
He is perfect, to me anyways.I have never been in love like i am now. there has never been anyone who has meant this much to me. Everytime i look at him i just get this unexplanable feeling and all i want to do is be next to him, as close as i can get. Last night we had like the most amazing night. There was this moment when we were just looking into each others eyes and there was no need for words it was like he was telling me how much he really loves me with just that look he gave me. I swear this love is the real thing, not like all that fake love in the past. i have never been this happy period. i love him so much. I would never have thought that me and him would get this close, that we would fall in love this deep in the short time that we have been together. I know that i dont ever want to lose him, it makes me want to cry just thinking about not having him be mine or him being in my life anymore. All i want is for him to be happy and i hope, i PRAY that i am making him happy and that he is happy with me. Our relationship is a relationship that i have always wanted and the kind that i will always want. I love him with all of my heart, i love him with everything that i have.

Idek..."caring"

How about showing you care?
Is it that hard these days?
I mean no one shows each other tht they care anymore.
No one around me anyways
I used to have a group of friends around me where all of them cared about the others so much. The bonds between all of us were so strong. Now I don't see any of it..
Even in the relationships...it seems like there isn't as much caring as there was..

I'm sick of it. I care way to much for some of these ppl and there are off not caring about anyone.. It really sucks..
Idek what's going on anymore...
Ughh.

Random..cluelessness...

Have you ever had one of those days(or several days) where it just seems like something is wrong. You can figure out exactly what it is but you just know tht there is a problem. Right now and the past two days I have just felt as if something is really wrong and I can't figure out why. My relationship feels as if there's something wrong with it too.. I just don't know.. I hate when I get like this because its just like I'm so lost and don't know which way I'm going or anything..I just feel numb. 

There's only one person that I can talk to and they will help me feel better but I'm not so sure of the fact tht they will talk to me about it.. 

Now I guess I will just worry about school.. 

At least I know nothing's wrong in tht department..:/

My Life

Right now im my life things are changing. You CANNOT expect me to know exactly what I want right now. I mean like somethings are ending and other things are beginning, I BARELY know what I am doing at the moment mustless what I want to do for THE REST OF MY LIFE!

Another thing: When I do decide what I want to do, you cant just sit there and put what I want to do down and tell me about how I can't do that. You have to SUPPORT my decisions.

Thats a reason why I havent decided what I want in my life because when I did. You sat there and put it down adn didnt listen to what I was saying and you made your own ideas of what I was saying that had absolutely NOTHING to do with what I said I wanted to do.

Not So Perfect Perfection

I am honestly in love. It's a foreign concept to me but I absolutely love being in love. Nothing is perfect but this is about as perfect as it can be. I mean this guy is amazing. He intrigues me so! All I can do is think about him all day everyday. I feel as if I'm losing my mind because of how much I care for him. It's like somethings have become less important because I have him around. I can talk to him about anything and I hope he knows he can do the same. There has never Been a guy that meant as much to me as he does. Everyday I miss him more and more. I wish I could be around him all the time. As of now I don't want to be with out him. I told my best friend I never want to have to call him my exboyfriend. I don't know if he knows he means this much to me. Our friends tell me a lot of how he feels about me and how they see a change in him for the better and how I help him without even knowing it. I love hearing things from our friends but sometimes I wish it was coming from him, but I'll admit I do the same. I express my feelings to our friends too. I'm so in love with this guy. Everything About him makes me fall for him even more. I know I'm being One Hundred Percent Truthful When I say I Love Him:)

Tired of This

I can honestly say that i am completely and utterly tired of all this crap. For 18 long years i have been put through this crap, and i may not remember all that has happened through all of these years because i was too young, but i still have some memorys that i dont ever want my kids to have. I have seen, heard, and went through so much that i honestly am beyond sick of it. From my parents there has been so much hurt. and i know im not the only one thats been throught alot i have recently found a friend who has a situation close to mine. I am an adult now and im moving out soon but i still hate for others who are in the situation like mine and im glad i dont have any siblings that would have to go through it too.. I think my mom is about fed up too. This time maybe there will be a divorce and when i was younger that was the last thing that i wanted, i think im the only reason they are still together. Now a divorce seems like an extremely good option. After so many years of misery i think they both need to be happy. Them together is unhealty for all of us. There is too many threats, too many scares, too many fights, and too many tears.

To all the people who have came from a bad situation whether you are a child thats hid and cried in your bedroom while you parents are fighting, or the children that have worried about one parent doing something stupid and not being alive anymore, whether you are a person who has left your spouse that was treating you unfairly and you decided to get out.. i just want to say BE STRONG.

Strength isnt about not crying or not showing that you care about what happened. Strenth is being able to deal with everything and move on FOR THE BETTER

I am moving on for the better in less than a month and i can only hope that my parents will do the same. They have tryed to work it out for years and its not helping, may the best option for ALLof  us come along.

Tonight I pray to God that he be with anyone who needs him there. Who ever that may be. For whatever reason they need him there. May God come in where the devil is forcing his way in.

The Most Important Thing

I Believe The Most Important Thing is....Laughter
A person should have Laughter
If you Really think About it The People who generally make us laugh are the ones we want to spend the more of our time with!
Some People say that laughter can heal many illnesses, that laughter can keep you healthier.
I honestly believe my favorite thing in the world is to laugh.
Even when im sad if someone can get me laughing it makes me feel better.
The people that i love the most are the ones that are able to make me laugh while i am crying.

Is Laughing really that important?
I think so..
but thats just my opinion

Faline

So i have the most awesomest friend ever. Her name is Sherlock Faline Cheytown Holmes. She is one person that i have gotten really close to in the past few months and i love her to death!! I could tell her anything and trust that i wouldnt have to worry about her telling anyone or her usign what i told her to hurt me.. And i just want to thank her for being the best Friend/Sister/vampire-penguin baby daddy ever!!! ILOVEYOUDEAR!!!

What is LOVE?

Love? What is it really? does anyone even know? I don't believe that anyone actually understands anything about love.
Love can make you do strange things
Love can change who you are
Love can save you
it also can kill you
Love is the most confusing thing.

Everyone has there own opinion on love and mine is complex...

Half the people who say they are in love, Are they really?
Fact is probably not.
Love is something that people these days take to lightly,
Love is a strong emotion that influences all your other emotions.

My Favorite Quote about love i found on Pinterest one day.

"Sometimes love is a surprise, an instant of recognition, a sudden gift at a sudden moment that makes everything different from then on. Some people will say thats not love, that you can't really love someone you don't know. But I'm not so sure. Love doesn't seem to follow a plan; It's not a series of steps. It can hit with the force of nature--an earthquake, a tidalwave, a storm of wild, relentless energy that is beyond your simple attempts at control."

Another Quote that i simply love is from Bob Marley.

"You say you love rain, but you use an umbrella to walk under it. You say you love sun, but you seek shade when it is shining. You say you love wind, but when it comes you close your window. So that's why I'm scared when you say you love me"

Basically, I don't know what love really is, but I BELIEVE that LOVE is something that comes from our soul and that love is something that helps form us into the people that we are meant to be..

Lately

So the past few months have been awesome. I found some of the best friends tht i ever could have found, I got rid of the ones who werent really a friend, I graduated high school, i got into a great college, and i found the most amazing boyfriend ever...
All of this has made the last few months amazing..
but lately..
Things are changing. The two people that i consider my best friends i barely talk to anymore, I dont know how i am going to afford college, i have alot of drama going on with my parents, and it seems that i dont think i actually know how my boyfriend feels.. Others tell me what he says but he doesnt act like anything they tell me actually comes from him..

I know i worry too much.. but i can't help it. it comes with the territory